Santa Vader Is Comin' To Town

Darth Vader knelt reverently before the flickering hologram. "What is thy bidding, my Master?"

"Lord Vader," Emperor Palpatine said, "I have an important mission for you."

Vader raised his helmeted head. "Is it killing more Jedi? Crushing your enemies?"

"No, not this time, my friend." Palpatine flashed a feral grin. "It involves Sith-mas."

"Sith-mas?"

"It's what we call Christmas now that we rule the galaxy. Anyway, Santa Claus is unable to deliver toys this year, so you will have to do it for him."

"What?!"

"You are going to be Santa Claus this year," the Emperor said matter-of-factly.

Vader wondered if his master was hitting the death sticks and glitterstim, or joking. "Why?"

"If the children don't get their toys, I'll be blamed for it, and those little rugrats might grow up and start a Rebellion against me. We don't want that now, do we?"

"No, Master. But how can I do it, delivering toys to so many planets in a single night?"

"The path to the Dark Side leads to abilities that some consider to be unnatural. Including delivering toys to all of the children of the galaxy in one night. You will find a way."

"As you wish." Vader bowed before the image once more. "I will not fail you."

***

The children in line at the Imperial City Mall couldn't contain their excitement to meet Santa Claus. When the little gingerbread house door opened, they all cheered. Then they saw a squadron of stormtroopers bearing the insignia of the 501st and wearing green elf hats atop their helmets walk out of the gingerbread house and take their positions along the line, with a lieutenant manning the holographer. Then Darth Vader, wearing a Santa hat on his helmet, walked out of the gingerbread house and sat on Santa's red-cushioned "throne." The entire line of children and parents fell silent so that all anyone could hear was Vader's respirator.

"You, first," the stormtrooper at the front of the line said, waving the toddler and his mother toward Vader with his blaster rifle. Frightened, the mother took the child up to Vader and gingerly set him on the Sith Lord's lap. The toddler looked up at Vader's nightmarish mask and burst into tears.

"I command you to cease your crying," Vader said, pointing at the little boy. The boy stopped immediately and the stormtrooper snapped a holo. "Have a Merry Sith-mas," Vader said to the tot, handing him a candy cane before his mother quickly carted him away. "Next!"

An older boy, about 7 years old, climbed up on Vader's lap. "Santa, can you get me one of those awesome new TIE fighters?"

"I was already a pilot by the time I was your age. It will be done. Perhaps you will one day join one of my elite fighter squadrons."

"Yippee!"

***

"I think I hear something," the man said to his two younglings, a boy and a girl, waiting excitedly by the fireplace.

"Yay! Santa's coming!" the children exclaimed.

But instead of the jingle of a flying sleigh, the father and his children heard the whine of a Theta-class shuttle landing out in the yard. "What the...?" the father muttered before an explosion knocked down the house's front door. Befuddled, the three of them stood gaping at the smoke until stormtroopers rushed out of the haze, carrying sacks of gifts. Finally, Darth Vader swept into the room, still wearing his Santa hat.

"Deploy the gifts beneath the tree," Vader said, "and put some of the smaller items in the stockings hanging over the fireplace. They have been good Imperial citizens this year and they shall be rewarded." Vader felt a tug on his cape and looked down to see the little girl holding a plate.

"Cookie?" she asked, holding up the plate.

Something nearly forgotten tugged at Vader's heart. There was a time when he loved cookies and could indulge in them any time he wanted. Cookies always made him happy. Silently he cursed Obi-Wan yet again for taking away everything that mattered. "I am sorry...I am on a diet," he said, his vocal modulator hiding his regret.

***

At last, Vader returned to Coruscant, his mission accomplished. There were a few snags along the way. A moisture farmer on Tatooine slammed the door on his troops, muttering "bah, humbug" and curiously, no one seemed to be home at the palace on Alderaan. Overall, however, the operation was a success.

"You have done well, Lord Vader," Palpatine said when he met Vader's shuttle. "The children are happy, even if there was some isolated property damage."

"It was necessary, my Master. Some of those chimneys are too small to slide down."

"An acceptable risk. And now, I have something for you."

"Really? For me? I am honored."

"Follow me." Palpatine led Vader into a hangar in the new Imperial Palace. There was a TIE fighter with bent wings and a big red bow on top. "Merry Sith-mas, Lord Vader."

If Vader could cry, he would have. "Master, this is the best Sith-mas ever! The first Sith-mas ever, but the best nonetheless!"

"I am pleased you like your new fighter. Now go forth, my apprentice, and terrorize those who meddle with our plans."

"Yes, Master." Vader bowed, strode over to the TIE fighter, and climbed into the cockpit. He powered up the engines and lifted off into the sky.

"Oh...he forgot to take off the red bow," Palpatine muttered to himself, shaking his head.

The End!